Forever Alone
by SpaceRanger
Summary: Many people in the world knows that the hardest thing to do in life is to say good-bye to the ones you love. Tomoyo is one of them.


  
**DISCLAIMER: **_All of the CCS characters in this fic are not mine although I wish they were. The little poem isn't mine either it belongs to Li Bai, a Chinese poet from the Tang Dynasty. Therefore, you know that the poem is actually suppose to be in Chinese and as much as I'd like to take credit for the translation I can't. Therefore I have to disclaim the translation as well. The translation was done by three people: Xu Yuan-zhong, Loh Bei-yei, and Wu Juntao. And before I forget, the extra quote I had inserted isn't mine. It belongs to _Star Trek_ as you will undoubting read_._ Anyways, _Star Trek _ is the property of Paramount and _Card Captor Sakura_ is the property of CLAMP (I deny the awful American version's very existence). Hope you enjoy! Comments and complaints welcomed! :-)_

**Author's Note:**_ *shrugs* What can I say? I only wrote this on the whim because I needed a break from something else I was writing, an excuse to not finish my holiday homework, and because I was listening to "tooi kono machi de." It felt like a depressing song to me even if the writer of the music didn't plan for it to be seen as gloomy. I won't know cause I don't understand the lyrics. However, according to my research the song's title suppose to translate to: "It's My Life" from the Card Captor Sakura music album although I might have gotten it mixed up with some another song. *shrugs*_

**Timeline:** _Some time after the Card Captor Sakura Series (including the movie) is over. There are two different occasions running in this fic. I can't specify the specific time because I don't know when the whole adventure happened._

**"Alone"**

**By SpaceRanger**

Silent tears ran down the face of the Sakura Card Mistress as she handed the urn to the burier for the fourth time in the long life she was blessed and cursed with. No one other then Eriol and Sakura thought that the only non-magical member of their group left would have hung on to life as long as her childhood friend had. The half-reincarnation of Clow had told them that Sakura was as powerful as Clow Reed, and like her father she had the ability to protect their friends from the diseases normal humans would've gotten along with the capability of shielding them so that they would last longer against the stream of time.

Due to this, Sakura had always assumed that her best friend would always be there especially after she had passed her 100th birthday. She knew now she was wrong. Her husband tightened his grip for an instant on her hand and she looked toward him to see the sadness she felt echoed in his eyes. All she wanted now was to cling to him in order to drown out her sorrows but she couldn't. Not with the age old tradition of no close contact unless behind closed doors. Her thoughts turned inward, trying to remember the last moments with her friend as she watch the urn lowered and then covered.

It was right after her 110 birthday party (placed together by what was left of the original Card Capturing group after flying in from their respective countries), that she should have sensed that something was wrong. Daidouji Tomoyo (their friend was the only one in their group who never married) had insisted for them to stay at her beloved mansion in Tomoeda but all of them denied her request so that they could finish up their surprises.

_No...not all of them._ The Card Mistress had to drag both of her fathers away despite their insistence to stay. Now...she was regretting the decision. If she had left at least one of them there her best friend, cousin, and the one who gave her the faith to continue on with her mission wouldn't have died alone.

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~~"_I always knew that I would die alone..._"¡@From _Star Trek_'s Captain James T. Kirk of the USS _Enterprise_-_A_ in the movie _Star Trek V: The Final Frontier_

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_Years before..._

"We are please to announce the late breaking news: Daidouji Tomoyo is without a camera! Gasp gasp clap clap! What a surprise!"

A bitter and depressing laugh escaped her lips as soon as the last of her sarcastic announcement was publicize to the empty park, the hour being so close to dinner time. 

It was Summer here in Tomoeda but the city still have bits of cold weather floating in from the North and was in no hurry to leave. Therefore, it was still too cold for a girl like her to be walking around at this late hour...but here she is.

_It's not as if there's anyone who truly cares._ she thought in a sullen manner. Tomoyo sighed and shivered as the wind, once again, picked up sending Goosebumps down her exposed arms.

_What is this? Pick on me day?_ She scowled in irritation as she stuck one of her hands in the pockets of her jeans to warm up her nearly frozen fingers despite how "unladylike" it seemed. Her other hand ran up and down her arm to give it more warmth since all she was dressed in was a simple short sleeved Tee-shirt, jeans, and a pair of worn out tennis shoes.

With the exception of her shoes, she was dressed in the darkest shade of purple which, she felt, was reflecting her mood perfectly. Well...except the purple part. Her wardrobe contained nothing in black other then her dress which--she felt-- was too formal for the occasion. Besides, she had no reason to wear it especially since no one she, her family, or her friends knew was dead amazingly enough. Especially considering all the dangers they have all been put through by the Cards and--as Clow Reed predicted--other sorcerers, sorceresses, witches, and wizards.

Nevertheless, it has been years since their adventures as Card Captors was over and their little group seemed to be preparing to break up. Oh she had thought of this before hand but the full impact on losing her closest friends didn't hit her until now. Especially with the group's graduation from high school looming over them all, like the passage of time itself.

As each moment of time passes, it seemed--to her anyways--to tear the group of friends she came to think of as family and as people she could always count on, apart. Li Syaoran and his cousin Li Meiling had everything packed and ready to return to China. Mizuki Kaho, Hiiragizawa Eriol, his Moon Guardian Akizuki Nakuru/Ruby Moon, and his Sun Guardian Spinel Sun were also packed and ready but unlike the Li's they were returning to England. 

Mihara Chiharu, Yanagisawa Naoko, and Yamazaki Takeshi were off to Osaka having been accepted at their university and three planned to write book together. Sasaki Rika was getting ready to marry their elementary teacher Terada-sensei and the two plan to spend the rest of their lives in Tokyo.

Tsukishiro Yukito/Yue had gotten a teaching job overseas as advised by Kaho and planned to teach all over the world. Kinomoto Touya wanted to follow his snow bunny but he had to stay in Japan. The twenty-two year old had been accepted at the best medical school in Tokyo and he had to finish his degree before he could follow.

As for her mother...Tomoyo laughed again with no trace humor in her tone. Well... Daidouji Sonomi seemed to have grown more attached to the latest Daidouji toy store overseas and was spending most of her time there.

Kinomoto Fujitaka, Sakura's father, had received word of a new finding at a newly uncovered dig along with a job as a professor at the site's local university. Wanting to finish her schooling and become a teacher before she married, Kinomoto Sakura decided to follow him with Kero-chan in tow. Not to mention the fact that she didn't want to leave her father alone.

"But what about me? Who would keep me company?" Tomoyo muttered with harsh and acidic resentment. Yes...what about poor little Tomoyo?

It wasn't the fact that they were leaving her that hurt the seventeen year old. As selfish as it might seem, what truly hurt her was the fact that none of them seemed to care enough to ask about her, a fact, she noted, that openly showed her that they were already drifting away and that it was undetected by all but her.

Tomoyo wanted to be selfish, to kick and scream, to shake and demand her friends to stay but she knew that she shouldn't and that she couldn't asked that of them. Her friends all had their own Destiny and was only taking the path that Fate had set out for them. A path of happiness that, obviously, doesn't include her.

Giggles broke her from her musings and she saw that the park was not as empty as she had first assumed it to be. A few children (consisting mostly girls) all of which seemed to be around 5 to 8 years of age, were running up and down the playground to play with the slides and it seemed to be overlapped by the ghosts her friends doing the same actions as the kids some years before.

As she stopped to watch, ignoring the biting winds, an older boy came running up to them and started messing with one of the girls and glaring at the boys. It reminded her of all the times Touya came to pick up Sakura and teased her for everything she did while scaring their male playmates away. In her musings she noticed that the kids had all disappeared and sighed as she headed toward the now empty swing set.

She took the chains on the side to help herself on the swing but she didn't bother to rock while she let herself drift into memories of her happy childhood. Normally it would have brought a smile to the girl's face but this time it brought only tears. Tomoyo slipped off the swing and headed towards the closest tree. She leaned her back against it but her sadness made her legs weak so she let her body slid down the trunk and on to the ground. Her body felt awkward and she felt hopeless especially when nothing she did with her hands nor feet were comfortable. Finally she just laid on her belly with her head resting on her crossed arms that served as her pillow while her eyes stared at nothing.

Yes--Everyone had their own destiny along with someone they know at their side and she was happy for them. And yet, despite their reassurance that they would keep in contact, Tomoyo knew that it won't last. Daily letters will become a once a month letter. Then, the once a month letter would become a holiday letter. Eventually, all communications would vanish.

Well, that shouldn't matter much to her. (_Shouldn't being the key word_.) Somehow she knew that she will forever be alone in this world. When morning comes she'll have to rise out of bed and accompany her friends to their respective gates as their individual flight left, unknowingly tearing her to pieces despite the face she will show them.

_Always with this face. The face of one who has no care in the world and shouldn't. After all, money is the thing I lack the least of and I can do almost anything with it._ She laughed silently at the irony.

_**But they don't know. They don't know this person behind our mask. Heck, we're not even sure of who we are any more than they. But you're pushing them all away, not wanting them to see the you that you've kept inside yourself. Yet, you want them to...don't you?**_ A voice, whom she had long since dubbed as her conscious, asked. She shook her head and ran her hand through her hair.

_That's actually the problem. I don't know what I want. Part of me is scared of people knowing me too well and the other part wishes for people who would understand who I am and what I've become._

_**And what your are to become.**_ The second voice added. There was a slight pause as she moved her head lightly to acknowledge it. _**But that's not the question you want to ask.**_

With a tired sigh she pushed herself into a sitting position with her back to the tree, one leg bent in a ^ shape the other straightened out beside it, her arms now crossed against her chest before she leaned back against the tree. Her eyes still out of focus as she watch the sky slowly darken. Yet, the darkness was unable to hide the lone tear that built up in one amethyst eye and slowly drift down her pale face.

_What is the purpose of my life if I am and always will be forever alone?_

Not for the first time has this question left her conscious without an answer to give her...  


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_**Green mountains bar the northern sky;**_

_** White water girds the eastern town.**_

_**Here is the place to say goodbye,**_

_** You'll drift out, lonely thistledown.**_

_**Like floating cloud you'll float away;**_

_** With parting day I'll part from you.**_

_**We wave and you start on your way,**_

_** Your horse still neighs: "Adieu! adieu!"**_

From _Farewell to a Friend_ by Li Bai. 

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**Author's Note:**_ Let me know if you wish for an epilogue. It's just something I thought up even though it's probably irrelevant to the whole situation._


End file.
